I got married 2 weeks ago. Probably the best day of my life so far. Well, second.. meeting my wife for the first time was the best one. It’s very close. I already know the birth of our first child will be in the top 3 already. If she gives birth to octuplets then I am thinking top 10 only. We’ll see.
Some guys, like myself, probably thought that their wedding day would not change much in their relationship and that “it’s just one day”. Maybe for some people that is true, but for me it had a very special meaning, not only for our relationship but also because I was officially accepted into her family. Chinese families can sometimes be difficult to “infiltrate” because they tend to be cautious people. I never really felt like they accepted me completely, but after the wedding it changed entirely. I guess I proved to them that I could take care of her. I got the eldest’ blessing and that meant the world to me.
He told me to take good care of his favorite niece.
The wedding, coincidentally, came as I open a new chapter in my life. I am 31 now and for the first time in my life I feel like a Man. I married the right person, I am healthy and I got great families and the best dogs in the world. I have a reasonable amount of money in the bank and I am generally a smart and successful person in every career I have chosen.
What happens when one becomes content in life? Is it ever wrong to just settle for that? What if it truly makes you happy? What’s next? Surely there must be some other “level” to complete right? Sometimes it feels like money can be the only goal we strive for. More money equals more and better things! Sadly, this kind of thinking is being bombarded to us every way possible, every single day. It’s hard not to get seduced and I am no different than most people there.
But, I have come to a point in my life where my drive to make money has been overtaken by an unrelenting desire to constantly search for the holy grail: peace of mind. It was always easy to aim for dollar figures because those goals were concrete and real. I can say I want to make a million dollars and I could just formulate a plan to get there. But there is no plan for finding one’s true calling and achieving “Nirvana”.
In the end, it’s very possible that true happiness and contentment are not reachable in a concrete and permanent sense, but rather that they present themselves piece by piece in different aspects of our life and that it’s up to us to appreciate them for what they truly are. I have become better at this but I cannot help but feel abit lost when it comes to my future. What do I do after poker? There’s so many options but I have yet to find one that would truly make me happy… aside from very artistic jobs that would likely come with a very low pay check. For example: I have a secret desire to become a film maker, but most of them are broke.
On one hand I need to provide for my family and my future kids through hard work and financial rewards.. but on the other I seek peace of mind and spiritual restfulness more than anything else. I would love to dedicate a part of my life to just Being in the purest sense of the word, but too often the other part of me wins over it and I start stressing about things. And when I do, I miss so many of the beautiful things around me.
I guess this is what they call a “midlife crisis” in the movies. I don’t buy it. I think everyone out there is struggling with some parts of their lives, who they are, what they’re doing, etc… No one has solved life yet, but it doesn’t stop all of us to keep trying anyway. For me it’s trying to find a balance between responsibilities that are increasingly present and having the mindfulness to deal with it well.
In the end, if I had to, in a short paragraph, state what I have learned over the last 31 years about the purpose of life to one of my kids, I would say this:
Always be good to yourself, and to others. Share all the love you have to everyone and everything around you. Be generous and kind. In the end, it’s the only real currency of the world. Appreciate every moment you have, good or bad, because it might just be the last thing you do.
Whenever I start to worry about my future or worry about money or if what I am doing is “the right path”, I just remind myself that if I am a good person in this life I’ll have been successful… the rest is just getting in the way. It might sound like really idealistic thinking but in the end is there anything else we can truly control? Does anything else really even matter?
These sort of thoughts are part of my daily mental grind. It might not make sense to read all this but that is because it can be all confusing and muddled.
